Category Archives: Emails we get

Email About Property Taxes

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We took this email to heart since 51% of our mortgage payment goes to pay property taxes and the value of our house has dropped 20% while the taxes based on the county tax appraiser have gone up 12%.

Here is the email:

Your House As Seen By:

Yourself…

Your Buyer…

Your Lender…

Your Appraiser…

Your County’s Tax Assessor…

Thanks Cate!

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Email –Obituary for Common Sense

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Got this from my uncle today:

Obituary:

Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn’t always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and if you did the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents,
Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I’m a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Thanks uncle Jim.

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Hurricane Shoes e-mail

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I got a little chuckle out of this one. The image shows high heal flippers. The shoes are displayed on boxes labeled “High Tide Heals”. Heh.

The image is from the FunPic website. Check them out if you need a chuckle.

Thanks Dr. C for the email.

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A Legal Question -another e-mail

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Our friends sent us another interesting email. This one has some relevance since we just returned from a trip to northern Vermont where moose are common and Buffalo New York where buffalo statues are common also.

Subject: Alegal Question

Is this Statutory rape?

Thanks Gina.

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Subject: Why you never question a drunk.

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This email came in from good friends in Arizona via their good friends in Wisconsin:

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, ‘You must be single.’ I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since I was indeed single I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: ‘Well, you know what, you’re absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?’

The drunk replied, ‘Cause you’re ugly.’

Thanks.

The image came from the Drunktionary

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Bit 'o Irish fer ya

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My uncle sent this one to me.

One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going
to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious
Irishman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Irish accent
asked “What might ye be sellin’ here?”

One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling ass-holes.”

Without skipping a beat, the Irishman said,

“Sure and you must be doing very well…

only two left!”

Englishmen – God bless them – should not mess with the Irish.

Thanks Uncle Jim.

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19 easy steps to improve the quality of scientific research

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On the Confocal Listserver there is discussion about “An alarming amount of (statistical) image manipulation and so much more” One member wrote in and added this:

Here is a recipe in 19 easy steps to improve the quality of scientific research:

1. take high-school students with little or no math and science background, and undeveloped analytical skills
2. give them computers with DOS
3. let them graduate in “Cult of the Mother Goddess” and “Harry Potter Mythology” studies (optional: throw in Creationism)
4. send them to grad school in a lab where they have no real project and complete lack of supervision
5. upgrade their computers to Windows 3.1
6. put a lot of pressure of them to publish in the top journals
(optional): give them a PhD
7. send them to a new lab for postdoctoral “training” in a lab where they have no real project and complete lack of supervision
8. upgrade their computers to Windows 98
9. put a lot of pressure of them to publish in the top journals
10. put a lot of pressure of them to obtain funding for another year
(optional): repeat 7-10
(optional): upgrade their computers to Windows 2000
11. (optional): give them a faculty position, (where they have no real project and complete lack of supervision)
12. put a lot of pressure of them to publish in the top journals
13. put a lot of pressure of them to obtain funding for another year
14. give them (undergraduate/graduate students/postdocs; choose one) with little or no math and general science background (and undeveloped analytical skills)
15. upgrade their computers to Windows XP
(optional): appoint them as peer-reviewers
(optional): let them delegate their peer-reviewing tasks to their undergraduate/graduate students/postdocs; (choose one), with little or no math and general science background (and undeveloped analytical skills)
16. Buy a LINUX box that no one will use (“what type of computer is this?”)
17. reduce funding for schools
18. upgrade their computers to Vista
19. start over…

Thanks Julio

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