Parenting Advice from a McDonald’s DriveThrough!

In this case it’s what not to do! Apparently the child was still hanging out of the window as they drove down the road. A friend of mine posted this on FB, and I just had to post it here. I don’t even let the dogs stick their head out of the car window.
Next time you get in the car, please make sure everyone is seated and has their seatbelt on!!

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Air Tight Bag Sealer: Use for Plastic Bottle Tops

A friend sent me this via email and it’s a really neat idea. Gotta give it a 10 for originality and I love the idea of reusing those bottles.

The guy who first thought of the idea should be given an award for originality!!!
Seal Plastic Bags with Old Bottle Caps
Cut up a disposable water bottle and keep the neck and top, as in photo.

Insert the plastic bag through the neck and screw the top to seal.

The bag is made to be air-tight, such that water will not leak, the secret lies with the top and screw cap!
This is a great idea to share.
Good for us and the environment too.
Zip-top bags are great, but sometimes you buy something in bulk and you’re stuck with an unsealable bag. Home-centric blog Re-Nest shows us an easy way to give these bags an airtight seal with an old water bottle.
All you need to do is cut off the top of the bottle and take off the cap. Push the bag through the bottle neck, fold it over the edges, and twist the cap back on. Now, your bag has an air and water tight seal, and you didn’t have to waste the bag.

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Here is an email we got with twist on emoticons.
“Assicons” (like boobiecons) involve another body part. Known as straight-on smileys (because unlike the traditional smiley, you don’t have to tilt your head to see it). Believe it or not, these icons are a form of ASCII art. Here are some examples:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_._) a flat ass
(_*_) an asshole
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that’s been around
(_O_) an ass that’s been around even more
(_?_) a dumb ass
(_o^^o_) a wise ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_13_) an unlucky ass
( Y ) a butt
(_$_) money coming out of his/her ass
(_#_) taking an ass pounding
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) Leave my ass alone

You just have been e-mooned!

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Grammar (Joke)

Here is a joke that Gina emailed me.

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation. The medicine man produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, “This is powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say  ‘1-2-3 ‘ .  When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.”

The man was encouraged. As he walks away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?” “Your partner must say ‘ 1-2-3-4, ‘  But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
The man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, He took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, “What was the 1-2-3 for?”
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

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Dog vs. Squirrel

My friend Gina, sent me an email with some awesome pictures that tell the story of a Lab with a squirrel.

1. Lab has baby squirrel pinned down and Mother sees it from above!

2. Mom Springs into action!!

3. Dog gets it from Mom as Baby escapes!!

4. Mom Consoles Baby.

Dog’s face says “What the Heck just happened?!!? Did I just get my butt kicked by a squirrel?!?!

When I first saw this email, I was scarred to see what happened in the 4th picture.  But I was quite relieved to find out both squirrels survived!!

Thanks Gina!

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Cannon Balls/ Brass Monkey

Here is a cute email we got about the history behind the saying “cold enough to freeze the balls off a Brass Monkey”.

It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem — how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass – hence, Brass Monkeys.

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.
Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, folks thought that was just a vulgar expression?!

Brass Monkey with cannon balls

Thanks Gina!

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How Pumpkin Pies Are made email

This morning a friend sent me this email. My wife says this is why she does’t eat pumpkin pie.

From my father… this scares me, but also made the start of my weekend kinda funny. hope it gives you a good laugh 🙂

How Pumpkin Pies Are Made

I needed a good laugh today and this did it!
I will NEVER look at pumpkin pie the same way again!!

Thanks Steve!

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A True Map of Florida joke email

Man, this summer and spring has been tough on the joke spam. I am not sure if it is the economy, or the oil spill in the gulf, or the World Cup, but we have gotten, like, zero spam emails for quite some time. What’s up people? Cheer up and send us some spam!

Luckily a friend of ours who lives/lived in Florida sent us this one the other day. I should preface that we now live in Florida so it is ok for us to laugh at our state again; we actually lived here and moved away, but recently moved back again.

Here is the email:

Subject: Finally, a true map of Florida

Finally, a true map of Florida that explains this weird, but wonderful state

You know you’re a Floridian if….

Socks are only for bowling.

You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

Your winter coat is made of denim.

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

You’re younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.

You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction.

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.

You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn’t worth waking up for.

You dread love bug season.

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren’t Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley ,
Frances , Ivan, Jeanne & Wilma…Irene…Cheryl…Rita Mary..Alison

You know what a snowbird is and when they’ll leave.

You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

‘Down South’ means Key West

Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

You know the four seasons really are: Hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.

You’ve hosted a hurricane party.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee , Thonotosassa and Micanopy.

You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.

You’ve worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.

You recognize Miami-Dade as ‘Northern Cuba’

You not only forward this but you understand it (–we posted it here instead 0f spamming our pals)

Thanks Gina! We missed your email joke spam! Gina noted that she was surprised that Sopchoppy and Mt. Trashmore didn’t make the list!

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