Our friend in New Orleans sent an email with pictures of stingrays. I found the original article on the Telegraph.co.uk website. The picture will link you to the original photos and article.
Some pretty amazing pictures.
-Thanks Gina
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Our friends sent us another interesting email. This one has some relevance since we just returned from a trip to northern Vermont where moose are common and Buffalo New York where buffalo statues are common also.
Subject: Alegal Question
Is this Statutory rape?
Thanks Gina.
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I was looking through my old emails and came across this one from my friend Sara.
Crazy Letter to Always
This is an actual letter an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 Editors’ Choice for best webmail-award-winning letter…
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the ’curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her husband’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’
Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’. Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Best,
Austin, TX
We looked up Wendi Aarons and she has a blog on Blogspot.com with all sorts of cool stories. Check her out, and thank her for this one.
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There is this show on HG TV called Property Virgins, and we hate it. How unrealistic can you get? How can a couple have money for a $600K home and be a virgin home owner? Sometimes HG TV just annoys us. We worked hard for 8 years to save up before we could afford 10% down on a $100k house. As property virgins, we would have fired the realtor on the HG TV show, like we fired 7 realtors before buying our first house. Our first home ended up being a for sale by owner house and we hired a real-estate attorney to help seal a deal, no realtors involved at all. It was actually more fun to buy the house in coordination with the owners of the property with no middle man to complicate things and create rifts and stress. When we worked with the realtors, and made offers on houses, the realtors would come back and say we were “low balling” the properties, and the offers were rejected. Well we watched those properties that we supposedly “low balled” and they all sold for lower than what we had offered for them, many, many, months later. That means many mortgage payments later for some poor seller who most likely was lead to believe their property was worth X-dollars by some cheese weasel realtor.
One of our realtors stopped showing us homes when we said we had no interest in joining his church. We wanted a house not a new religion is what we told him.
Our words of wisdom to property virgins… Don’t buy if the mortgage plus taxes is more than one weeks salary. So to own a $599K house, one person, or two people need to make at least $3k a week if you have 20% down (That is about $110K) and 6% interest loan. Ouch.
Our father in law told us that one week rule. Who would of thought an in-law would have decent words of wisdom. Grr HG TV grr…
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Driving around campus yesterday, I happened upon this seen:
Apparently, someone has developed a novel way to park their car.
Later on, while strolling the halls at work I found these shoes and wondered if they were related to the shoes my husband found.
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We just got this email today. It has some interesting “coincidences”. Some are true, some aren’t. The email came w/ a whole bunch of pictures, but we removed them all to cut down on space. Otherwise it’s a neat email. We did edit out the part about folding a $20 bill to see the burning twin towers and pentagon, ‘cuz that was just creepy.
History Mystery
Have a history teacher explain this—– if they can..Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the headNow it gets really weird.
Lincoln ‘s secretary was named Kennedy..
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln .Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839. (1838 –wikipedia)
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford.’
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘ Lincoln ‘ made by ‘Ford.’Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here’s the kicker…
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.Creepy huh? Send this to as many people as you can, blah blah blah…
Thanks Liz S.
If conspiracy theories are your thing try these out:
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This email arrived today.
Remember reading all the jokes about “Little Johnny”? You know, the kid that the teachers are afraid to call on for answers in the class, for fear of what he might say… Well, finally a photo of “Little Johnny” has surfaced. See if you can find him in the picture!
The theme of this picture was, “Make a funny face
“!
Thanks Gina.
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Our brother in law thought we would like this recipe. We do like crawdads and scorpions are kinda like earthbound crawdads.
Scorpion Soup
Ingredients
Preparation
Heat the oil in a large wok. Stir-fry the scorpions for 20 seconds. Add the pork, garlic, salt and pepper. Stir-fry briefly, then add the water slowly. Add the other ingredients and simmer on a low heat for 40 minutes.
Notes
This soup can be eaten either as a starter or as a main course and tastes mostly of the pork and dates. It is best accompanied by Chinese beer.
Scorpions are eaten in the south of China. They are reared in ‘ranches’, mostly in people’s homes, then sold in the markets. Scorpions have a woody taste and should be eaten whole, except for the tip of the tail.
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A link from Amazon.com
Ultimate Chick Flick Soundtrack
The Ultimate Guide to Chick Flicks
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Here is another email from our friends in New Orleans. Thanks Gina.
Lawyers should never ask an Alabama grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’
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